Archive for the 'Marriage and Dating' Category

#24 Dating Themselves

Written by SAPL on Wednesday, October 15th, 2008 in Marriage and Dating, Socialization.

Image: badjonni on Flickr

Someone once said “Love Thyself.” This motto is good for anyone to live by, but Asperger people take the advice one step further: Love thyself and date thyself.

How would you describe a person who dates themselves? Narcissistic? Strange? Nonsense! It’s simply relationship heaven for Asperger people. Since they enjoy solitude so much, it’s no surprise they often choose to go solo during many social activities. Unlike neurotypicals, they freely partake in movie outings, dinners, museum visits, concerts, you name it, and without worrying about having someone to accompany them. Asperger people love to date themselves! Aspies find nothing odd about this practice and are quite surprised to learn neurotypicals have completely different viewpoints.

In conversation, an Asperger person might ask [insert neurotypical X] if she went to see the musical

Jersey Boys. A neurotypical person might reply with, “No, I was going to go, but I couldn’t find anyone to go with me.”

“How ridiculous,” the Aspie person thinks to herself. “Why would anyone miss out on so much fun just because they can’t find anyone to go with them?”

The older the Asperger person gets, the more she learns just how ridiculous this neurotypical rule applies to “the others,” from shopping to sports games to relieving oneself in the lavatory. As a result, the Aspie vows to live life even fuller by themselves, trying their hardest never to miss any fun because everyone else’s calendar is full, no one else likes similar types of movies, or no one else at the dinner table has the urge to tinkle.

And dating oneself has tons of perks for the Aspie as he never has to compromise on when, where, and what to do. This ensures that most dates can involve the special interest, the date can never complain about going to the same restaurant every Friday night and use this as an example to bring up “inflexibility” in couples therapy, or bash him in front of their girlfriends about the lack of “spontaneity” in the relationship.

Naturally, safety should always be considered when dating oneself and dates in places like dark streets or deserted areas aren’t desirable. The Aspie female unfortunately will find herself surrounded by various male “friends” if she chooses to take herself on a date to a bar where the social rule followed by drunk neurotypical males is to offer her a drink in hopes she will break up with herself and date them. Yes, cautions of dating oneself should not be taken lightly. Always meet yourself in a public place. Email is good, but give yourself your phone number only if you feel comfortable.

Much neurotypical chatter takes place about the Asperger who is known to date him or herself. If you could Google this chatter, keywords might be “isolated,” or “loner” or “I never see her with anyone.” But the next time a nosy neurotypical poses one of their most nuisance questions, “Are you even dating anyone?” quickly turn to them and say, “Darn right. I’m dating myself.”

#16 Different Couple Living Arrangements

Written by SAPL on Monday, August 11th, 2008 in Marriage and Dating, Socialization.

Planet Holiday

Contrary to what some think, Asperger people do indeed get married and have families. However, these living arrangements or the state of the household may be a little different than your neurotypical situation. Due to the Asperger’s intense need for solitude and being left alone for a good portion of the day, Asperger people may not interact with their neurotypical or even fellow Asperger partner in what is normally expected.

For example, one Asperger may say to his/her partner, “I like to have a lot of alone time. So, Just because we’re in the house together, doesn’t mean we have to interact.” There may be arrangements of sleeping in separate beds, eating alone versus together, and in some cases even having 2 completely separate homes or apartments even though they are married.

Although the neurotypical spouse may not even know why the Asperger partner is so damn weird, he/she may very well adapt and try to understand, thus having an “unwritten” agreement. However, it never fails that some nosy neurotypicals with no lives will find out about the “weirdness at 2525  Otherwise Non-Freaky Neighborhood Lane,” and begin to talk. They may start to have “heart to heart”, which is more like “headbutt to headbutt” conversations with the neurotypical and Asperger partner, desperately trying to incite change even when both partners are happy.

Truth be told, these neurotypicals are just jealous. Susie wouldn’t mind peace and quite versus a groping and demanding husband at home every evening at 7:00PM. Harry down the street knows he too could benefit from a separate bed and thus avoiding his wife’s jittery restless legs kicking him in the crotch every morning or being awoken by her loud farts in the middle of the night. But remember, neurotypicals care too much about what is socially appropriate. Either that or Harry is looking for a way out of the 4th child he promised his wife.

#3 Marriages To People From Other Countries

Written by SAPL on Monday, July 14th, 2008 in Marriage and Dating, Socialization.

It is known that many Aspergers, especially in the U.S.,  marry people from foreign countries. This may be due to several reasons. Many countries do not have the same social rules and thus these rules do not get in the way and the social “awkwardness” does not occur when dating someone from another country.  People from countries other than America will often attribute an Asperger’s social differences to cultural or simply don’t care. Whatever the reason, it is important that the Aspie recognize this early on and, like every other social mountain they might have to climb, learn to how to successfully work around this difference.

Dating and marrying a foreign person can be an exhilarating and satisfying experience, but like any relationship, it must be taken with caution. For example, some Asperger men or maybe even women place personal ads inviting foreigners to come to the U.S. for love, marriage, and hopes of a family. However, not all of these individuals are looking for love and some socially naive Aspies learn the hard way that they were taken for a green card ride.

Once an Aspie male or female learns of the advantages of intercultural love, he or she should jump right on it and waste no time in finding love. No stone should be left unturned, no opportunity missed. Take as many foreign language classes as possible in high school or even college. Join culture clubs, both for learning about the world around you and checking out the European hottie down the street from you.

While still living at home with the parents, encourage them to host a foreign exchange student, preferably multiple, and all of the particular gender you are interested in. You might even try to convince these exchange students it is “custom” for the exchange student to marry the son/daughter of the host 5-10 years down the line, much like arranged marriages in other countries. Say it was written in the exchange contract and approved by the school. Heck, say it’s the law-do you really think 16 year olds have bothered memorizing every one before they came over here?

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