#24 Dating Themselves
Written by SAPL on October 15th, 2008 in Marriage and Dating, Socialization.
Image: badjonni on Flickr
Someone once said “Love Thyself.” This motto is good for anyone to live by, but Asperger people take the advice one step further: Love thyself and date thyself.
How would you describe a person who dates themselves? Narcissistic? Strange? Nonsense! It’s simply relationship heaven for Asperger people. Since they enjoy solitude so much, it’s no surprise they often choose to go solo during many social activities. Unlike neurotypicals, they freely partake in movie outings, dinners, museum visits, concerts, you name it, and without worrying about having someone to accompany them. Asperger people love to date themselves! Aspies find nothing odd about this practice and are quite surprised to learn neurotypicals have completely different viewpoints.
In conversation, an Asperger person might ask [insert neurotypical X] if she went to see the musical
Jersey Boys. A neurotypical person might reply with, “No, I was going to go, but I couldn’t find anyone to go with me.”
“How ridiculous,” the Aspie person thinks to herself. “Why would anyone miss out on so much fun just because they can’t find anyone to go with them?”
The older the Asperger person gets, the more she learns just how ridiculous this neurotypical rule applies to “the others,” from shopping to sports games to relieving oneself in the lavatory. As a result, the Aspie vows to live life even fuller by themselves, trying their hardest never to miss any fun because everyone else’s calendar is full, no one else likes similar types of movies, or no one else at the dinner table has the urge to tinkle.
And dating oneself has tons of perks for the Aspie as he never has to compromise on when, where, and what to do. This ensures that most dates can involve the special interest, the date can never complain about going to the same restaurant every Friday night and use this as an example to bring up “inflexibility” in couples therapy, or bash him in front of their girlfriends about the lack of “spontaneity” in the relationship.
Naturally, safety should always be considered when dating oneself and dates in places like dark streets or deserted areas aren’t desirable. The Aspie female unfortunately will find herself surrounded by various male “friends” if she chooses to take herself on a date to a bar where the social rule followed by drunk neurotypical males is to offer her a drink in hopes she will break up with herself and date them. Yes, cautions of dating oneself should not be taken lightly. Always meet yourself in a public place. Email is good, but give yourself your phone number only if you feel comfortable.
Much neurotypical chatter takes place about the Asperger who is known to date him or herself. If you could Google this chatter, keywords might be “isolated,” or “loner” or “I never see her with anyone.” But the next time a nosy neurotypical poses one of their most nuisance questions, “Are you even dating anyone?” quickly turn to them and say, “Darn right. I’m dating myself.”
October 28th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Are you serious? How could it possibly be fun to face the NT world all alone? If I can find an NT to drag along and navigate for me I’m much more likely to go out and do stuff.
November 13th, 2008 at 5:19 am
This post is eerily accurate. I’ve only recently found out that going to movies and concerts alone was considered weird. Thanks for the last line. Now I know what to say to people asking me that pesky question.
January 11th, 2009 at 1:01 am
I am married and still vacation by myself.
January 13th, 2009 at 9:27 am
I’ve been going to movies and concerts alone for years.
July 29th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
I’ve been dating myself for almost 10 years now – at 15, I’d still rely on other people to come to the movies with me – and I have to say I’m happier than ever.
January 6th, 2010 at 1:27 am
I never really though about not going out by myself. Though, if there is going to be situations where I have to deal with other people, like clerks casheirs or whatever, I will want someone with me to lead by example, otherwise I tend to get “stuck”.
September 7th, 2010 at 2:30 pm
Wasn’t sure where to post this question but I’m an NT dating a Aspie adult male and was wondering if the other Aspie’s on this site can give me their opinions on this. Why is touch an action that some Aspie’s do not like? Is it perceived as a violation of personal space? Why does it make the Aspie uncomfortable? Some opinions and/or professional replies would help. Thanks. 🙂
February 28th, 2012 at 1:03 pm
Aspies don’t mind being touched. All you need to do is explain where you are going to touch them and why. First.
October 27th, 2012 at 4:36 am
“in hopes she will break up with herself and date them.” Brilliant.
October 17th, 2013 at 1:39 pm
Have not been diagnosed as an Aspie yet but have been dating myself for years and I am 44. What’s wrong with going out by yourself and sitting by yourself in your own space, I love taking a table for four turned into a table for one. When a group of people or couple come and sit at my table I feel uncomfortable even when they ask. I now know to say yes sit at my table, to be polite but I quickly guzzle the drink go to the bar then find somewhere else to sit and enjoy my own company. I like going to watch Arthouse/ Indie films because of there intellectual stimulus and plenty of room in there even gone to see a movie and was the only one, I felt very special like a king.
August 21st, 2016 at 7:31 am
The term is much used in the international autism community and is part of many people’s identities. It is likely that many in the US will continue to say that they have Asperger’s, despite the changes.