#24 Dating Themselves
Written by SAPL on October 15th, 2008 in Marriage and Dating, Socialization.
Image: badjonni on Flickr
Someone once said “Love Thyself.” This motto is good for anyone to live by, but Asperger people take the advice one step further: Love thyself and date thyself.
How would you describe a person who dates themselves? Narcissistic? Strange? Nonsense! It’s simply relationship heaven for Asperger people. Since they enjoy solitude so much, it’s no surprise they often choose to go solo during many social activities. Unlike neurotypicals, they freely partake in movie outings, dinners, museum visits, concerts, you name it, and without worrying about having someone to accompany them. Asperger people love to date themselves! Aspies find nothing odd about this practice and are quite surprised to learn neurotypicals have completely different viewpoints.
In conversation, an Asperger person might ask [insert neurotypical X] if she went to see the musical
Jersey Boys. A neurotypical person might reply with, “No, I was going to go, but I couldn’t find anyone to go with me.”
“How ridiculous,” the Aspie person thinks to herself. “Why would anyone miss out on so much fun just because they can’t find anyone to go with them?”
The older the Asperger person gets, the more she learns just how ridiculous this neurotypical rule applies to “the others,” from shopping to sports games to relieving oneself in the lavatory. As a result, the Aspie vows to live life even fuller by themselves, trying their hardest never to miss any fun because everyone else’s calendar is full, no one else likes similar types of movies, or no one else at the dinner table has the urge to tinkle.
And dating oneself has tons of perks for the Aspie as he never has to compromise on when, where, and what to do. This ensures that most dates can involve the special interest, the date can never complain about going to the same restaurant every Friday night and use this as an example to bring up “inflexibility” in couples therapy, or bash him in front of their girlfriends about the lack of “spontaneity” in the relationship.
Naturally, safety should always be considered when dating oneself and dates in places like dark streets or deserted areas aren’t desirable. The Aspie female unfortunately will find herself surrounded by various male “friends” if she chooses to take herself on a date to a bar where the social rule followed by drunk neurotypical males is to offer her a drink in hopes she will break up with herself and date them. Yes, cautions of dating oneself should not be taken lightly. Always meet yourself in a public place. Email is good, but give yourself your phone number only if you feel comfortable.
Much neurotypical chatter takes place about the Asperger who is known to date him or herself. If you could Google this chatter, keywords might be “isolated,” or “loner” or “I never see her with anyone.” But the next time a nosy neurotypical poses one of their most nuisance questions, “Are you even dating anyone?” quickly turn to them and say, “Darn right. I’m dating myself.”
October 24th, 2008 at 10:36 am
kinda lonely tho
October 28th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Are you serious? How could it possibly be fun to face the NT world all alone? If I can find an NT to drag along and navigate for me I’m much more likely to go out and do stuff.
November 13th, 2008 at 5:19 am
This post is eerily accurate. I’ve only recently found out that going to movies and concerts alone was considered weird. Thanks for the last line. Now I know what to say to people asking me that pesky question.
January 11th, 2009 at 1:01 am
I am married and still vacation by myself.
January 13th, 2009 at 9:27 am
I’ve been going to movies and concerts alone for years.
February 23rd, 2009 at 6:36 am
asperger’s is an explanation, not an excuse.
This sounds like it was written by someone who just watched Good Will Hunting, and missed the point.
February 23rd, 2009 at 10:26 pm
To Joe
Sounds to me like you dated an Asperger who, in the words of a recently made popular movie, “Was Just Not That Into You,” and you’re pissed because they didn’t give you all the excessive time and doting attention that a needy person demands.
July 29th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
I’ve been dating myself for almost 10 years now – at 15, I’d still rely on other people to come to the movies with me – and I have to say I’m happier than ever.
September 26th, 2009 at 10:28 pm
Dated myself for the first time in a while last night. Ok, so I have always done something. Gone out walking on my own listening to audiobooks, hit a hundred balls on the driving range, sat in cafes, and, yes, cinemas, but it was the cinema that I found most problematic in my own home town. Too many people who could see me. Too many people who would have far too much fun talking about having seen me. And so last night, for the first time since when I lived abroad, I went to the cinema alone. I ‘dated’ myself. And it was great. A little bit of awkwardness walking in on my own. A little bit of awkwardness going to the toilet, and worrying if someone might be talking. Awkwardness on misrecognising more or less everybody I have ever known who might see me. But then, I had made a compromise or two. I hadn’t brought my ex military ear defenders so I could read while I was waiting through the ads – I’m exceptionally anal about wasting time – and I had driven out of the way. There was no chance I was going to the local teen trap of a place where everyone from my old work would be far too likely to be. I avoid enough places already, but that was simply not an option.
The film was (500) days of Summer. It was damn funny. I laughed. I had a good night. I got out. Back to watch my favourite programme on TV. With nobody talking through it.
Someday I’ll get back into the world of real people. Sometimes I enjoy that too. But these past few months it’s been for me. And it has been a reprieve. If I do it too long it’ll send me crazy, I don’t doubt, but for the time being it is keeping me sane.
Oh, and Joe a, you’re out of your element…
September 26th, 2009 at 11:45 pm
[...] to see a film last night (on my own, perhaps emboldenened by stuff asperger people like’s #24 Dating Themselves, something I have commented on at the bottom of the post) watching Newsnight Review and then [...]
January 6th, 2010 at 1:27 am
I never really though about not going out by myself. Though, if there is going to be situations where I have to deal with other people, like clerks casheirs or whatever, I will want someone with me to lead by example, otherwise I tend to get “stuck”.