Stuff Asperger People Like

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The brain is divided into several areas, some of which are more responsible for some activities than others. The cerebellum, for example, coordinates muscle movements, which may lead some Aspies to wonder what the heck happened to theirs as their clumsiness can only leave them to hope for a Forrest Gump-like athleticism. Another area would be the amygdala, which plays a key role in regulating emotions. There is a center of the brain that has become a hot topic in research and will soon generate millions of money that intellectual con-artists known as PhD grant writers with snatch. That area, responsible for the center of worrying in Asperger People, is called the Wigdala.

Asperger people worry a lot. Day in and day out. It’s possible Aspies worry in their sleep as well, but a person’s bedroom activities are a private matter. The Asperger will worry about every anticipated problem or situation that might come up and wonder how on earth they will deal with it. When a solution is not reached, they may worry that it’s taking too long to come up with one. They worry about things might happen, things that might not happen and how to make things happen.

All of these worries and fears result in a super wigdala, or a wigdala on steroids. It has been increased significantly in size from being worked so hard, the Asperger finds himself wigged out (others use the terms physically and emotionally exhausted).

Some neurotypicals might innocently try to calm the Aspie, saying phrases such as, “You know, 99% of the things you worry about don’t come true.” Fantastic! Now the Asperger has more worries to add to the collection: When will the 1% event come true? And which worry is that 1% instance? I wish I knew, so I could think of plan A-ZZZ to conquer it.

It may be argued that what some Asperger people need are slight boost of confidences to remember all the many times they have successfully dealt with any difficult situation that caused anxiety in the past. That right. You own your wigdala; your wigdala does not own you! (Note: This is the point where usually you are asked to send $99.95 for a Wigdala Working Kit, complete with a pamphlet containing testimonials by people who’ve found success with the Wigdala Working Kit, but whose results are not typical.)

Positive Wigdala Working consists of simply remembering the times when the Asperger person showed the wigdala who’s boss. It might help to make a list of those events. And that’s where Microsoft Excel comes in handy. With 65,536 rows and 256 columns, there are a total of 16,777,216 cells in one worksheet! That’s enough cells to document a whopping 3% of a Asperger person’s daily worries and how she successfully, through hair pulling and marathon fatigue at the end of the day, made it through them.

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