Archive for the 'Socialization' Category

#10 Flattery To The Intellect

Written by SAPL on Thursday, July 24th, 2008 in Hobbies and Special Interests, Socialization.


The way to a man’s heart may be his stomach, but the way to an Asperger’s heart is through his head. That is, making it even bigger than it already is.

Although Aspies may be socially awkward at times, they are damn smart individuals, many having above average intelligence and being more likely to hold degrees than the rest of the population. Although they know how brilliant they are, they are always interested in being told so again and again.

While most neurotypical people enjoy hearing how they make a person feel good, have warm personalities, or are caring people, this does nothing for the Aspie. When trying to get in good with one, remember to always remind them of how much they know and preferrably how much more they know compared to you. This can be important to remember when in a relationship with any Aspie. Greeting card companies might want to take note and design slogans for Asperger cards such as, “When you care enough to tell them they’re the very best.” Anniversary cards for neurotypical spouses might get the job done with, “You complete me in every way. For that, I am thankful.” Anniversary cards for Aspie spouses should say, “You complete what I cannot do-and that is just about everything. For that, I am thankful.”

When trying to figure out a complicated computer task, you might find yourself asking for help from someone in IT who may have poor manners and even poorer choice in clothing fashion. By asking outright, you’re more likely to get the response, “I can’t believe he/she is so stupid he doesn’t realize that “failed to bind through LDAP answer is blah blah blah and blah blah. And it’s so easy to find it on the 2 million support pages on both Suse Linux and Novell.”

There are much more efficient ways to approach the Aspie. Start off by approaching him or her and bringing up some random fact that has to do with computers and software. This will spark the Aspie’s interest (you are talking about their probable special interest after all) and make him much more receptable. Then begin the butt kissing. Some phrases to try and experiment with are, “You are so much more educated about these things than I am,” or “I’m stupid, but I know you have the answer,” or even “You will be the next Bill Gates.” You probably see the point by now. After you have complimented the Aspie a million times, he will be more than happy to assist you. 

He probably will also give you other advice and facts you never asked for and turn a 30 second answer into a 1/2 hour lecture.

#3 Marriages To People From Other Countries

Written by SAPL on Monday, July 14th, 2008 in Marriage and Dating, Socialization.

It is known that many Aspergers, especially in the U.S.,  marry people from foreign countries. This may be due to several reasons. Many countries do not have the same social rules and thus these rules do not get in the way and the social “awkwardness” does not occur when dating someone from another country.  People from countries other than America will often attribute an Asperger’s social differences to cultural or simply don’t care. Whatever the reason, it is important that the Aspie recognize this early on and, like every other social mountain they might have to climb, learn to how to successfully work around this difference.

Dating and marrying a foreign person can be an exhilarating and satisfying experience, but like any relationship, it must be taken with caution. For example, some Asperger men or maybe even women place personal ads inviting foreigners to come to the U.S. for love, marriage, and hopes of a family. However, not all of these individuals are looking for love and some socially naive Aspies learn the hard way that they were taken for a green card ride.

Once an Aspie male or female learns of the advantages of intercultural love, he or she should jump right on it and waste no time in finding love. No stone should be left unturned, no opportunity missed. Take as many foreign language classes as possible in high school or even college. Join culture clubs, both for learning about the world around you and checking out the European hottie down the street from you.

While still living at home with the parents, encourage them to host a foreign exchange student, preferably multiple, and all of the particular gender you are interested in. You might even try to convince these exchange students it is “custom” for the exchange student to marry the son/daughter of the host 5-10 years down the line, much like arranged marriages in other countries. Say it was written in the exchange contract and approved by the school. Heck, say it’s the law-do you really think 16 year olds have bothered memorizing every one before they came over here?

#2 Going MIA At Social Gatherings

Written by SAPL on Sunday, July 13th, 2008 in Socialization.

The Party’s Getting Started!

1/2 Hour Later…

It is a misconception that Aspergers do not like to socialize, probably created by some of the idiots who get annoyed at Aspie traits that are in fact just different. Aspies do socialize-they just don’t require nearly as much of it as neurotypicals do. That being said, when many Aspies come along for social gatherings-birthday parties, reunions, etc., they will spend a few minutes chatting then quickly move on to something else that sparks their interest and is usually a solitary activity, otherwise known as Going MIA At Social Gatherings.

The solitary activity may range from catching up on a work or personal project, reading the latest Journal of American Medical Association to catch up on the latest statin information, surfing the internet, etc., etc. It’s not that the Aspie is trying to be rude and shun everyone at the party-it’s simply that they do not have a need to do any more socializing and pretending to do so will only result in boredom, irritation, etc.

Neurotypical friends and family who don’t realize the Aspie doesn’t have the same level of social need as they may mistakenly coax or even demand the Aspie stop running away and socialize more. They may make it a point to invite them to 2x as many social functions after they realize how the Aspie behaves, thinking the Aspie simply needs “exposure” or “practice” in being more social. This can result in numerous reactive behaviors from the Aspie, ranging from creating excuses to being downright rude to guest because they feel they are “forced” into situations and words and feelings are being put into their mouths (“I don’t have a social phobia…I am not shy…I just don’t care for it”).

Sooner or later the Aspie gets smart and learns to use these “forced socialization” events to their advantage, such as agreeing to go the the friend’s party for obtaining her MBA just because they know the friend has a NICE CD burner in the upstairs room where they can burn the latest live Radiohead concert mp3s. Or, they might think to themselves, “Oh, they own that cool dog. He’ll be great to play with.” Food is always a motivator for everyone, Aspie or neurotypical, and good grub may be worth a thousand small talks to some.

In summary, Aspies like socialization, they just don’t need as much of it as neurotypicals do.

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