Archive for the 'Hobbies and Special Interests' Category

Image: Quick Silver on Surfer Village

Ladies, ladies, ladies: This special Asperger People In The News Is For You.

Clay Marzo is a good looking man in Hawaii who loves to surf and will be flashing his Malibu looks in the movie, “Just Add Water.” Funds from the DVD sales will go to Surfers Healing an organization dedicated to fighting autism. Marzo is 19 years young and only recently diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome.

Like many Aspies, he’s always been drawn to his special interest and has become quite skilled at it. He has been recognized with 3 NSSA National Surfing Titles, a nomination for Maneuver (Surfing, that is) of the Year at the 2007 Surfer Magazine Poll and Video Awards, as well as video appearances in various surf movies.

Surfing does wonderful things for him, just as looking at him might do wonderful things for you.

“Just the feeling to get off the social side of everyone, just go surf and free your mind,” Marzo said.

He reports having sensory sensitivities and although sometimes social situations give him a wipeout, he’s quick to get back on board.

Relevant Things Mentioned In This Post:
Going MIA
The Special Interest
Possible Need For Earplugs

If you’re interested in reading the full stories, just go to KHNL as well as Surfer’s Village.

Images: KHNL

#19 Porn As The Special Interest

Written by SAPL on Sunday, August 24th, 2008 in Hobbies and Special Interests.

In some instances, it seems the Asperger male (or female for that matter), is really no different from the neurotypical after all. The interest in porn is a perfect example. But the Asperger’s interest is not just about getting to rate the boobs of the day. The Asperger will use porn for academic purposes or to obsess with a particular body part that may be a special interest. If there were more doctorate programs in pornography, we’d have more Kinseys than we’d know what to do with. As the Asperger studies porn, he chooses to major in a particular area and ask such deep questions as,”How could a woman have such ripped abs?” if he is into muscular/bodybuilder/he-she like ladies. Some Aspies mistakenly think they can learn about relationships from porn, but soon realize there is nothing further from the truth. How on earth can they get to know each other? There’s never any talking going on in these things.

An HBO movie might incite statements from the neurotypical such as, “No way, man! No one has a penis that big,” or “How would you make a sex toy that big anyway?” This is where the Asperger, armed with all the information he has obtained from studying “101 Factos about sex toys”, comes in to rescue the undereducated and horny neurotypical. “The sex toys are made from molds of an actual penis. There is a clay mix you add water to and stir. It is similar to making dental casts. You can even order them online and mix them in your own kitchen with a regular bowl and spoon.”

At this point in the conversation, the neurotypical men mentally note: Dude, never eat at this guy’s house again!

“Once the mix is complete,” the Asperger continues, “you place the erect penis in the clay, allow it to cool, remove your penis, pour liquid into the mold, and ta da! You have created a dildo.”

The neurotypical men are having an extreme WTF moment now, probably due to both the Asperger’s explanation and the amount of alcohol consumed. This is obviously more than they signed up for when the rented Vicky Vixen. The insecure, jealous, and paranoid neurotypical will start to wonder and be convinced that the only way the Asperger could possibly know all this information is if he is the model on which all sex toys are crafted from. To this speculation, the Asperger will decide that some rumors are best left undenied.

Image: afflsports


Joe Ellis, chairman of NAKMAS (the National Association of Karate and Martial Art Schools) recently made the announcement in a press release that he has Asperger’s Syndrome.

Ellis has chaired NAKMAS since its establishment in 1992 and he is also the former President and Chair of Karate England.

NAKMAS is starting its Asperger Syndrome training programme, aimed at educating martial arts coaches about the condition. The program is set to begin in 2009.

Sandra Beale, the Equality Lead Officer/Director of Operations at NAKMAS is responsible for the program and she said:

“Individuals with Asperger Syndrome are well suited to martial arts as classes tend to follow a specific order, can be repetitive, and include detailed instructions with reasons. Students also work as individuals more, depending upon the discipline chosen. All these things are attractive to a person with Asperger Syndrome, and they can also gain confidence and more experience in social situations.”

Students working as individuals more, huh? Ah, yes, going MIA is good for sports events as well.

Ellis said, “I want to show that there is no need for anyone with Asperger Syndrome to miss out on the success and enjoyment that the martial arts – or any other area of life – can bring.”

The program might also show that there is no need for anyone with Asperger Syndrome to not attain a black belt in marital arts and thoroughly kick the ass of anyone who puts their safety in jeopardy-especially if they are targeted for their Aspergerness.

The last statement in no way represents the comments, thoughts, or wishes of Mr. Ellis and NAKMAS of course. It’s just extra theorizing.

#14 Speaking Factanese

Written by SAPL on Friday, August 1st, 2008 in Hobbies and Special Interests, Socialization.


As mentioned before, Aspies love facts and love to insert them into conversation. You might find yourself chatting with an Asperger and it seems like every other line is a fact or data supporting a fact. It it so integrated into the conversation, you wonder how on earth could anyone know so much, either from one specific or many disciplines. This phenomena is known as Speaking Factanese.

Aspergers are born bilingual, the 1st language being their native, and the 2nd being Factanese. It’s not that Factanese can’t be understood by the neurotypical. It’s just darn hard to speak it with the same fluidity as the Asperger. To help you recognize Factanese and possibly help you become more fluent, please study the following Factanese passages:

Conversation 3: The Fiber Kick
Person A: I’m going to start getting more fiber in my diet because I want to be healthier.
Asperger: You should really consider what type of fiber you need more of. There are 2 types. Soluble lowers your cholesterol, insoluble helps you pass bowel movements better. (This conversation is taking place over dinner, by the way.)

Conversation 1: The Father’s Day Gift
Person A: I can’t decide what to get my father for Father’s Day. He likes cookware.
Person B: Get him Mr. Cook’s Oven Mitt.
Person Asperger: If you’re going to get an oven mitt, get Mr. Manly Bakes instead. Mr. Manly Bakes withstands 500 F degrees of heat, while Mr. Cook’s only withstands 450 F.

Conversation 2: The Microwave Popcorn Dilemma
Person A: I’m going to pop some popcorn.
Person B: I stopped doing the microwave popcorn thing after I found about the whole diacetyl and lung cancer link.
Person Asperger: Some companies have stopped using (emphasizes the correct pronunciation-which Person B didn’t do) diacetyl flavoring. Con Agra brands no longer use it.

By carefully studying these examples, soon you too can become fluent in Factanese and find a way to insert obscure information about boats, weather, and walrus genitals into any conversation.

#11 Non-Fiction And The Hatred Of Fiction

Written by SAPL on Monday, July 28th, 2008 in Hobbies and Special Interests.

The Asperger would prefer to read non-fiction, unless the fiction book could possibly be related to factual information such as biographies, history, or science fiction. Aside from literature being a special interest, most Aspies find fiction slow and boring, with all of its adjectives and phrases describing scenery and conversation that never took place to begin with. The Asperger would much rather read facts or other useful information that could be put to good use.

Cliff Notes were probably invented by an Aspie for the Aspie, and they worked wonders until one 10th grade teacher announced that he would design questions on the test that could not be answered by reading the Cliff Notes alone.

“Who cares what Ken Kesey meant when he wrote, One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest,” thinks the Aspie. “Wasn’t he doing heroin when he wrote that anyway? And how could anyone possibly write something that is worth my time analyzing and writing a paper on if they are clearly stoned? (Note: The fact that the writer may have been stoned probably didn’t sit too well with the Aspie either, due to the Aspie’s strong sense of morality which you will learn about in a later post. Stay tuned for these messages.)”

Fahrenheit 451 may have scored on their list in secondary school, but only because it dealt with the idea of people losing their interest in ridiculous literature and fantastic useful facts like what temperature it took to burn these ridiculous works. Plays might not be as bad, as at least some entertaining conversation takes place as opposed to paragraph upon paragraph of descriptions of brick streets, cottage houses, and the shapes the clouds were making (or at least the shapes the stoner writer thought they were making) that day.

#10 Flattery To The Intellect

Written by SAPL on Thursday, July 24th, 2008 in Hobbies and Special Interests, Socialization.


The way to a man’s heart may be his stomach, but the way to an Asperger’s heart is through his head. That is, making it even bigger than it already is.

Although Aspies may be socially awkward at times, they are damn smart individuals, many having above average intelligence and being more likely to hold degrees than the rest of the population. Although they know how brilliant they are, they are always interested in being told so again and again.

While most neurotypical people enjoy hearing how they make a person feel good, have warm personalities, or are caring people, this does nothing for the Aspie. When trying to get in good with one, remember to always remind them of how much they know and preferrably how much more they know compared to you. This can be important to remember when in a relationship with any Aspie. Greeting card companies might want to take note and design slogans for Asperger cards such as, “When you care enough to tell them they’re the very best.” Anniversary cards for neurotypical spouses might get the job done with, “You complete me in every way. For that, I am thankful.” Anniversary cards for Aspie spouses should say, “You complete what I cannot do-and that is just about everything. For that, I am thankful.”

When trying to figure out a complicated computer task, you might find yourself asking for help from someone in IT who may have poor manners and even poorer choice in clothing fashion. By asking outright, you’re more likely to get the response, “I can’t believe he/she is so stupid he doesn’t realize that “failed to bind through LDAP answer is blah blah blah and blah blah. And it’s so easy to find it on the 2 million support pages on both Suse Linux and Novell.”

There are much more efficient ways to approach the Aspie. Start off by approaching him or her and bringing up some random fact that has to do with computers and software. This will spark the Aspie’s interest (you are talking about their probable special interest after all) and make him much more receptable. Then begin the butt kissing. Some phrases to try and experiment with are, “You are so much more educated about these things than I am,” or “I’m stupid, but I know you have the answer,” or even “You will be the next Bill Gates.” You probably see the point by now. After you have complimented the Aspie a million times, he will be more than happy to assist you. 

He probably will also give you other advice and facts you never asked for and turn a 30 second answer into a 1/2 hour lecture.

#9 Becoming A Professor

Written by SAPL on Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008 in Careers, Hobbies and Special Interests.

Many Asperger people obtain careers in academia.  Often, the academic area of interest is something that was a special interest growing up. For this reason, becoming a professor is much like a “Revenge of the Asperger nerds,” experience.

In the old pre-PhD days, the Aspie had to find someone willing to put up with their endless hours of “drosophila fly mating” facts. When the Aspie becomes a professor, she finds joy in knowing not only will she be able to discuss the sexual behavior of flies, but people are willing to pay thousands of dollars and go into debt to hear her speak as well.

Great pleasure is taken in giving 2-hour speeches where students are now at the Aspie’s mercy-forced to take notes, maybe even pretend they are interested and ask questions if participation points are included in the grading system. The Aspie Professor loves giving telephone book sized notes and telling her students, “No cherry picking will take place,” as any ridiculous fact may be thrown in on a test. 

The Asperger Professor will eventually become tenured after publishing dozens of papers about his fly voyeuristic experiences and being given lots of money by people like National Institutes of Health and various organizations he has convinced through careful con-artist intellectualizing (otherwise known as grant writing) studying fly sex will save the world. Or the children. Or the whales. It really just depends on the organization and how much money they’re willing to give him.

Finally, the tentured professor job is the opportunity for the Aspie to prove (at least to himself) why he really was put on the earth and that descriptions used to label him years ago by professionals that were obviously not as bright as he is (Pedantic, little professor syndrome) seem perfectly befitting and not abnormal at all. “Pedantic is good,” he thinks. “People are inherently stupid and it is my job to teach them. Or at least make them have sleepless nights memorizing fly sex facts.”

#7 Facts And Trivia

Written by SAPL on Friday, July 18th, 2008 in Hobbies and Special Interests.

Family Travel Gear

Aspies love facts and trivia and many times this makes up the special interest the Aspie has spent countless hours learning about. Like the special interest, the facts the Aspie retains could be about many things, including science, technology, literature and so forth.

One of the reasons Aspies love facts so much is because unlike the rules of other parts of the neurotypical world such as facial expressions and implied meanings, facts are hardfast and black and white and are much easier to grasp. They are a sure thing to cling to in a world where the Aspie constantly has to guess whether Heather really meant what she said when she said “I never want to see you again,” since she’s said it so many times and in 48 hours never fails to call again professing her undying love.

Facts and Trivia can be a way to impress fellow nerds, geeks, and possibly other Aspies at the latest Science Fiction convention where a social structure might exist and the “Alpha Geek,” is always the one who has the most facts to throw into the conversation.

They also provide reassurence and security. Let’s say Joe is going over to Bill’s house. Bill is a slob who cleans 1x a year maybe, leaves 2 month old dishes on the counter, and whose vacuum serves more as a statue in the living room-the kind of statues that obviously set off security alarms when you move them because otherwise he would have used it by now. “It’s okay,” thinks Joe, recalling the facts he learned from Immunology. “The skin is the largest organ in the body which provides the 1st line of protection against microbes. My skin will protect me from Bill’s plague, and if not, there are plenty of NK cells and other white blood cells that will ward off any illnesses.”

Occasionally, facts can be used as defenses and to re-establish superiority. Jenna’s catty friend casually mentions that Jenna has wide hips. Jenna responds by recalling that studies show women with fuller thighs and hips but small waists have better lipid profiles and have more intelligent babies. Depending on how much she values the friendship, she might go so far as to add that by comparing their two hips, her children will definitely be intellectually superior and will probably end up working for hers one day. For neurotypical translation, that’s Asperger language for Jenna basically calling the catty friend a “bitch.”

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